So many friends are married, and getting married. I am going to be friendless soon. I'm really excited for them all, but it's still sad. Ha.. I guess i'm going through a bit of a rough patch. I'm just tired of everything. On the outside it appears like everything is going well, and school is going well and I have things to look forward to there, but it doesn't feel fulfilling. I still feel empty inside. But i'll keep a brave face so no one knows whats going on in the inside. Friends that used to really care and the few that could really understand how I felt or even really listen for that matter, changed. They try to seem interested in my life, but I know they're really not. And often times they just want to talk about themselves, which is fine. But i'm never going to open up anymore, i'm sorry. Some got married... but that happens, thats what we're all working towards:) But then again some of my dearest friends now I have met since they've been married, and they actually care and listen. I've tried to convince others along with myself that i'm not lost, confused.. and I'm even starting the fool the ones that once knew me best. And for some reason, I just want to shut everyone out lately, i'm sorry. I don't know why. Things change, it's inevitable. I guess it's just my time to find myself again?... because I feel like i've completely lost myself.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Invisible..
So many friends are married, and getting married. I am going to be friendless soon. I'm really excited for them all, but it's still sad. Ha.. I guess i'm going through a bit of a rough patch. I'm just tired of everything. On the outside it appears like everything is going well, and school is going well and I have things to look forward to there, but it doesn't feel fulfilling. I still feel empty inside. But i'll keep a brave face so no one knows whats going on in the inside. Friends that used to really care and the few that could really understand how I felt or even really listen for that matter, changed. They try to seem interested in my life, but I know they're really not. And often times they just want to talk about themselves, which is fine. But i'm never going to open up anymore, i'm sorry. Some got married... but that happens, thats what we're all working towards:) But then again some of my dearest friends now I have met since they've been married, and they actually care and listen. I've tried to convince others along with myself that i'm not lost, confused.. and I'm even starting the fool the ones that once knew me best. And for some reason, I just want to shut everyone out lately, i'm sorry. I don't know why. Things change, it's inevitable. I guess it's just my time to find myself again?... because I feel like i've completely lost myself.
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4 comments:
Oh Kaiti. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel because I felt the exact same way at one point in my life (you remember it!) and it was horrible. I really did have to find myself again.
Hang in there. I know it seems that you will never be at that phase. You will be. All too soon you'll have five little kids running around and you'll wonder: What would it be like to go back to my roudy single days? :) I do it sometimes. This is a wonderful life to be in and we need to love each season. I love you so much. You are an amazing person who deserves an amazing person. So hold out for him. xoxo
Kaiti! This makes me so sad reading how you feel about your friends that are married! :( Being married doesn't change the friendship we have, the memories we share, and the love we have for each other! You will always be my best friend. You can come to me with anything you need, I promise! I really miss you a lot! I was sad you weren't able to come hang out with me the other weekend when I was in Utah! :( But know that I love you so much Kait! I think about you often and I really want you to know that you can always talk to me... I'll always listen and offer whatever advice or encouragement you need.
Hang in there love! You are amazing!
YBIMH always... you know it
KHO... "cuz i know we'll make it through!"
i love you!
Oh, I very well remember going through something like that in my single days. It is very hard to wait when you don't know how long the waiting will be.
One thing that helped me find myself again was making a list of all of my likes and dislikes. I know it sounds silly, but so often I was happy to do what others suggested that it made me happy to see that I really had my own preferences too.
Something that helped even more was the poem Wait by Russell Kelfer. My favorite lines are: "I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me." It helped me remember that God knows what is best for us and that now was a time for developing patience and coming to know Him better.
Looking back I can definitely say that God really was guiding my life. I got married at 25 and for me, that was just what I needed. I learned so much from my single life (and really enjoyed most of it too!) I also have loved being married and can't imagine my life without my sweet children.
Sorry this comment is so long, I just know that there is something to be learned from every time in our lives. It's fun to reminisce about the past and anticipate the future, but don't wish away your present. It will be gone too quickly.
We hope you feel better about life soon; I know you will!
I love you so much Kaiti.
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