Faith & Patience

Pretty sure no one really cares about my rambling blog entries, but I'm starting to treat my blog more like a personal journal because it's faster for me to type then write. It's funny how sometimes things go so well and life is just great and you're pumped and excited about life and what you're doing for a period of time and then that feeling of fulfillment and excitement for the future just leaves. I swear at this point in my life, my emotions and feelings are on the biggest roller coaster I've ever experienced. It actually made me laugh out loud tonight to myself (I know...weird) how unpredictable life is and how I got to where I am at right now in life, and why I am where I am. I also had a major realization... actually, more of a reminder of just how much my father in heaven loves me and has a plan set out just for ME. He really knows me better then i know myself! Sometimes I think to myself, "why don't I have this person's life?", or "why isn't this happening to me? I'm trying to be the best me I can be and do what's right", and even "why is this happening to me?" I know, it's selfish. But everyone is selfish sometimes.

(This is one of my favorite painting's by the artist Greg Olsen)

But lately I've had that reminder that HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS WHAT IS BEST! He knows what I need in my life right now to help me progress spiritually, physically, and emotionally. He knows the trials I need in my life to help me grow and strengthen me. Even the ones that I will be able to use to maybe help someone else because I will honestly be able to say "I know how you feel." He tests us, but I've come to realize again that he will not test us beyond what we can handle. And even when we are going through things we don't think we can handle, HE KNOWS WE CAN DO IT, and WHY we need to go through it. It humbled me tonight. My savior really, really loves me. He loves all of his children so much, and he will never leave us alone or let our hearts ache if we turn to him. He has a plan specially designed for each one of his children and as long as we are doing what's right, his plan will continue to map out if we are patient. I can not lie, I really really struggle with patience and just want to know everything NOW. I'm a brat. But I feel like he has really been trying to humble me lately, and it brings me to tears and my knees quite often as I learn that I can only control so much. That at the end of the day if I can say I tried my very best, he's very pleased. There are some things that are just out of my control, and I really have to have faith and put my life in his hands and let his will for me be done. I'm certainly excited to see what the next school year has in store for me, but I have to be honest and say that I'm really scared. I have absolutely NO idea what to expect. Maybe this is a year I'm going to be tested greatly on my faith.